ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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