i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
