You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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