She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
