Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize