I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
