You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
