tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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