singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
