I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize