I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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