im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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