My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
