I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
