plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
