Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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