For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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