so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
