i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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