Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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