I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
