I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
