Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
