just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
