Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
