We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
