Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
