When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
