I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize