I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
