he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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