i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to make out with him forever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
