We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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