btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
