fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
