um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
