I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
