When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
