Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
