It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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