You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
accomplished twins. life is a go
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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