I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize