I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
