so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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