Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
