Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
