Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
