Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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