He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
