We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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