And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
