Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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