cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
