Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
