i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
