Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
