he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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