Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
