all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
