his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
