did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Randomize
