YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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