Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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