i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
