so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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