Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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