Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
