my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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