I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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