I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
