So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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