i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
