Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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