It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
