What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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