I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
