the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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